I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
