did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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