just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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