Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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