he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
