I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
