all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
