whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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