I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
