I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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