Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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