Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
