Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
