dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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