she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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