2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
