She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
