I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
