Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
