I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
