Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
