She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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