What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
