Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you would pick up someone in the library
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
