I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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