He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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