Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
