I want to make a zoo with you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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