I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
