stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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