my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
