Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
