I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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