Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
