What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
