he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
