dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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