You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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