he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
