Buhtt sex?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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