So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
