im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
