I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
