On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
