Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
