Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
