I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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