so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
