they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
