My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
