I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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