Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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