I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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