happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize