remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
