oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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