I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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