I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
