do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
