this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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