Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
