just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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