Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
