it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
