let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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